What Mindset Is
Mindset simply refers to the story you’re telling about your life. This story is made of up thoughts (or sentences in your head). The thoughts you think either help you or hurt you.
For example, you can really be going through it in motherhood and focus on the negative, which will make things worse. Or, you can still really be going through it but focus your mindset more intentionally so you feel capable and positive about working through your challenges.
I like to think about mindset as not something that prevents challenges, but instead as something that prepares you for challenges.
Why Mindset Is Important In Motherhood
In motherhood, you’re going to have challenges. You know this based on your past and you know this from talking to moms ahead of you.
Having tools to help you “swim” instead of sink is the difference between feeling completely defeated versus motivated and excited. You can feel motivated and excited to solve your challenges. They’re still challenges but you’ll see them in a completely different (and more helpful) light using mindset tips.
1. Zoom out for the long term perspective.
It can feel like what’s happening today is going to last forever, but if you take a long term perspective, you’ll see that what you’re going through today likely won’t be a problem a year from now.
2. Get curious about your thoughts.
Negative thoughts have a way of building off each other and creating momentum so a bad morning turns into a bad day. To stop this, get curious about what you’re thinking. Observe your thoughts without judgment. It sounds like this, “oh that’s interesting I’m thinking that.” With curiosity comes understanding. From understanding comes change.
3. Stop the momentum of negative thoughts.
What you focus on expands. The more you focus on negative thoughts the more negativity you create. For your sake, shift your focus from something that’s negative to something that’s positive. Break the momentum, even if it means changing your environment to do this.
4. Create positive affirmations.
Affirmations are thoughts that you believe to be true that feel good and help you live your best life. You can create your own (intentional thought creation) and practice them daily to get into a better feeling state (i.e. reduce anxiety, overwhelm, frustration).
5. Stop comparing yourself to other moms.
Your life isn’t supposed to look like her life. Remind yourself of that so you stop falling into the comparison trap, trying to keep up with the Joneses, or thinking you’re not good enough. Comparison is the thief of joy and only makes motherhood harder!
6. Watch out for mind reading.
Mind reading is a cognitive distortion where you believe you know what other people are thinking. There’s no way to really know what anyone else is thinking because you can’t see inside their minds, nor is trying to guess what they’re thinking helpful if you’re guessing negative thoughts. For example, if you think, “she doesn’t want to be my friend” because someone didn’t reply back to you, that’s guessing what someone else is thinking to your detriment. If you’re going to play “mind reader” at least do it favorably to you (or don’t do it at all)!
7. Don’t base your “success” as a mom on your kids’ happiness.
My clients’ inside the Mom On Purpose Membership know that defining success as a mom needs to be based off what you can control—your thoughts, feelings, actions, habits, what you say, etc. How you show up as a mom is up to you. But your kids’ happiness? That is not up to you! So don’t interpret your “success” based on whether they’re happy. You can be an incredible mom and have kids who are unhappy. This doesn’t mean you don’t care about their unhappiness. Instead, it means you care without making it mean you’re doing something wrong. Repeat after me: “my kids emotions have more to do with them and less to do with me.”
8. Don’t make your worth dependent on how tidy your home is.
As women, we’ve been taught a tiny home means we’re doing a good job. This is a toxic mindset that will have you cleaning all day and night on repeat. To break this mindset tell yourself the truth: you may prefer a tidy home but it has nothing to do with how good you are. You can have a messy home and still be an amazing mom.
9. Embrace being an amazing, HUMAN mom.
Your’e not supposed to be a robot mom who is perfect. You’re supposed to be a human mom who messes up, makes mistakes, and gets it all wrong. Remind yourself of this. You can grow, improve, and live intentionally AND you’ll still be human. The point is to grow for fun because that’s what you want to do with this life. The point is not to try to be perfect. It’s an impossible task that will leave you feeling exhausted.
10. Validate your feelings without making them who you are.
Your feelings are valid. Your overwhelm is valid. But that’s not who you are. You are not an “overwhelmed mom.” You are a mom who feels overwhelmed The difference is everything.
Whatever you’re struggling with, these coaching tools can help. Give me a call and leave me a voicemail with whatever you’re struggling with so you can show up as the mom you WANT to be!
11. Create a proactive daily practice with an intention.
The brain is wired to look for problems to solve so it can ensure your safety and survival. The problem with this is that in modern motherhood, 9.99 times out of 10, the problems aren’t life or death. But your brain doesn’t care. It will continue to look for the negative on default to try to keep you alive. So, your job is to manage your brain by directing it intentionally to think more positively. You can do this with a daily intention you write out in the morning to focus on something positive and get your mindset in a better place before the day starts.
