Positive Parenting Strategies For Difficult Kids
Positive parenting strategies are tools you can use to positively impact your kids, from the inside out.
No threats, force, or fear will be used, and yet, you’ll still show up in a sturdy and strong way, being the leader of your home.
Think of a work setting with a boss who is critical and harsh compared to a boss who is supportive and respectful. That is how it is as a parent. You can still be in charge but instead of feeling like you’re constantly yelling or using threats, you can use respect and your power to lead your family.
With that, let’s dive into the seven positive parenting strategies for difficult kids.
1. Separate out your kid’s identity from their actions
Picture this: your child has just made a mistake or behaved in a less-than-desirable manner. It’s easy to blur the lines between the action and the individual, inadvertently attaching labels like “bad” or “naughty” to their identity. However, this conflation can have lasting effects on their self-esteem and emotional development.
Instead, try to view their actions as separate entities from who they are as individuals. By doing so, you create space for growth and learning without casting judgment on their character. This distinction allows you to address the behavior itself, focusing on constructive solutions and teaching moments, rather than resorting to punitive measures that may reinforce negative self-perceptions.
For example, if your child throws a tantrum in a public setting, rather than labeling them as “difficult” or “out of control,” acknowledge the behavior itself and explore the underlying reasons behind it. Perhaps they’re feeling overwhelmed or lacking in coping mechanisms. By addressing the behavior with empathy and understanding, you not only diffuse the immediate situation but also equip them with valuable tools for managing their emotions in the future.
Separating your child’s identity from their actions lays the groundwork for a positive, growth-oriented approach to parenting. It fosters a sense of accountability without eroding their self-esteem, nurturing a resilient mindset that embraces mistakes as opportunities for learning and growth.
2. Create “You Are” statements that support your child
In the realm of positive parenting, the language we use holds significant power. Every word we utter shapes the narrative of our children’s self-perception and influences their behavior. That’s where the concept of “You Are” statements comes into play.
Rather than solely focusing on correcting undesirable behaviors, “You Are” statements proactively reinforce the traits and values we wish to cultivate in our children. These statements serve as affirmations of their inherent worth and potential, laying the foundation for a positive self-concept.
Consider the difference between saying, “You are so messy,” and “You are creative and expressive.” The former places emphasis on a perceived flaw, while the latter celebrates a positive attribute. By framing feedback in a constructive light, we not only validate our child’s identity but also inspire them to embody the qualities we admire.
Crafting personalized “You Are” statements tailored to your child’s strengths can have a transformative impact on their self-esteem and behavior. Whether it’s acknowledging their kindness, resilience, or curiosity, these affirmations serve as reminders of their unique gifts and potential.
For instance, if your child struggles with self-doubt, you might say, “You are capable of overcoming challenges and achieving your goals.” By instilling confidence in their abilities, you empower them to tackle obstacles with resilience and determination.
Furthermore, “You Are” statements can be integrated into daily routines, serving as gentle reminders of your unwavering support and belief in your child’s potential. Whether it’s a note tucked into their lunchbox or a bedtime affirmation, these small gestures can make a world of difference in shaping their self-perception.
In essence, “You Are” statements are more than mere compliments—they are powerful affirmations that nurture your child’s growth and cultivate a positive sense of self. By intentionally shaping the narrative surrounding their identity, you lay the groundwork for a future filled with confidence, resilience, and limitless potential.
3. Prioritize one-on-one time to deepen connection and foster cooperation
In the hustle of daily life, it’s easy for meaningful connections with our kids to get lost. Yet, fostering a strong parent-child bond is not only essential for their emotional well-being but also lays the groundwork for more cooperation.
Enter the power of one-on-one time.
Carving out dedicated moments for individual interaction with each child is a cornerstone of positive parenting. This focused attention communicates to your child that they are valued and cherished, fostering a sense of security and trust that forms the bedrock of cooperation. I.e.: it increases the connection and attachment bond they feel, so they’re more likely to cooperate with you.
Think of one-on-one time as an investment in your relationship with your child. Whether it’s a shared activity, a heart-to-heart conversation, or simply enjoying each other’s company, these moments create opportunities for genuine connection and understanding.
By nurturing a strong connection, you lay the groundwork for cooperative behavior rooted in mutual respect.
So, how can you incorporate one-on-one time into your daily routine? It doesn’t have to be elaborate or time-consuming. Even a few minutes of focused attention each day can make a significant difference. Whether it’s a morning walk, a bedtime story, or a shared hobby, prioritize these moments as sacred opportunities to strengthen your bond with your child.
One-on-one time is about attention. So it’s quality over quantity. Ten minutes of your undivided attention (with your phone put away) is better than an hour with your phone and other distractions.
Ultimately, increasing one-on-one time is not just about filling a slot in your schedule—it’s about nurturing the most precious relationship in your life. By prioritizing connection, you set the stage for a harmonious parent-child dynamic built on trust, empathy, and cooperation.
4. Connect before you correct
Picture this scenario: your child has just broken a rule or acted out in frustration. Before launching into a lecture or imposing consequences, pause and connect with them. Validate their emotions by saying something like, “I can see that you’re feeling upset right now,” or “It seems like you’re having a tough time.” This simple act of empathy establishes a foundation of trust and mutual respect, paving the way for effective communication and cooperation.
By connecting before you correct, you shift the focus from punitive measures to constructive dialogue. Rather than viewing discipline as a power struggle, it becomes an opportunity for growth and learning. Your child feels heard and understood, making them more receptive to your guidance and less defensive.
Moreover, this approach strengthens your bond with your child and fosters a culture of open communication within the family. When children feel emotionally connected to their parents, they are more likely to internalize values and cooperate willingly, rather than out of fear or coercion.
So, the next time you find yourself in a situation that calls for correction, remember to pause and connect before you act. By leading with empathy and understanding, you lay the groundwork for a positive and respectful parent-child relationship—one built on trust, empathy, and mutual support.
5. Validate feelings and hold boundaries
At the heart of this strategy lies the recognition that all feelings are valid, even if the accompanying behavior may not be. When your child expresses anger, sadness, or frustration, it’s essential to acknowledge and validate their emotions without condoning any inappropriate actions.
Imagine your child is upset because they can’t have another piece of candy before dinner. Instead of dismissing their feelings with a curt “Stop crying,” try saying, “I understand that you’re disappointed. It’s okay to feel that way, but we still need to stick to our dinner rule.” This approach validates their emotions while also reinforcing the boundary.
By validating feelings and holding boundaries simultaneously, you send a powerful message to your child: “I hear you, I understand you, and I’m here to support you, even when I need to set limits.” This fosters a sense of emotional security and trust within the parent-child relationship, laying the groundwork for healthy emotional development.
Moreover, this approach teaches children valuable skills for regulating their emotions and respecting boundaries in interpersonal relationships. They learn that it’s okay to feel strong emotions but that certain behaviors are not acceptable, and there are consequences for crossing those boundaries.
6. Share relatable stories
At its core, storytelling is a vehicle for empathy and understanding. When you share personal experiences with your children, you invite them into your world, offering glimpses of your own triumphs, challenges, and lessons learned along the way. This vulnerability fosters a deeper connection and strengthens the bond between parent and child.
Consider the impact of sharing a relatable story during a challenging moment. Perhaps your child is struggling with a fear of failure or feeling isolated among their peers. By recounting a similar experience from your own past and how you navigated through it, you offer reassurance and perspective. Your child feels less alone in their struggles and gains valuable insights into resilience and perseverance.
Moreover, storytelling serves as a vehicle for transmitting values and cultural heritage within the family. Whether it’s passing down cherished traditions or recounting the struggles of previous generations, these narratives instill a sense of identity and pride in your children, grounding them in their roots and shaping their worldview.
In today’s fast-paced world, where screens often dominate our attention, the simple act of sharing stories creates moments of intimacy and connection that are increasingly rare. Whether it’s over a meal, during bedtime, or on a family outing, prioritize these opportunities to bond through storytelling. Encourage your children to share their own stories as well, creating a reciprocal exchange that strengthens the fabric of your family dynamic.
