Help to visualize having a baby
It’s such an abstract concept for most of us, just telling your child simply isn’t enough. Use visual aids such as books (we like this one) and videos, or even better, real live babies! If your friends or family have a baby, make a point of introducing your child to them, and letting them get a feel for what a baby is like, how they’re held and the rules (such as hand washing) of caring for a baby. Another wonderful way to prepare is to play with a baby doll… bathing, diapering, nursing, feeding, being quiet and gentle etc. So many new behaviors are expected when a baby arrives. It will really help your child to get to practice these in a fun, non-stressful way.
Consider the timing
When you tell your child about your pregnancy is a meaningful decision because for young children (and for most adults!) it’s hard to wait 9 long months before this alleged “baby” appears. On the other hand, you don’t want your child to hear it in passing, from someone else, or to sense the change in their parents without fully comprehending the reason why. They might conclude that something is wrong and feel anxious. Just be wary that normally, when you tell your verbal child you’re expecting, you may well be telling their teachers, friends and neighbors too. Secrets aren’t children’s forte, usually, so make sure you’re ready to share.
Don’t push your child into the role of “Older Sibling”
Your child may not be ready to be a big brother or sister just yet. They may well want to hold on to being your baby, which can be difficult seeing as now you have another baby on the way. But it is not their job to “help you” with the baby, or to grow up faster because you need them to right now. As much as is possible, try to allow them to grow into that role organically, as they are ready, and because they chose it.
Avoid labels on “big brothers” and “big sisters”
Try to let go of preconceived notions about how older brothers and sisters “should” behave. Your child will have their own unique, organic and natural reaction to their sibling, and it will probably be as complex and varied and varied as their personality itself. If you push them into specific roles and reactions with sentences like “Big brothers walk by themselves” or “Big sisters are helpers” they may well resist those roles (after all, they don’t sound like much fun). Instead, remain open and receptive to your child’s true feelings about their new role. They might love and embrace it, and they may not. And it may change from hour to hour. And that’s ok.
Prioritize Self Care
I hope this doesn’t sound like some cruel joke. As I write this, I am 9 months pregnant, working full time, and I have a 2 and 4 year old at home. I promise, I understand how challenging it is to brush your teeth once a day, let alone nap, get a massage, or enjoy a cup of tea (while it’s still hot). Still, prioritizing self care isn’t a luxury. It’s an absolute necessity. So getting a babysitter, getting more help around the house, putting on more movies for your children… whatever it takes to get yourself to a place where YOUR bucket is full is absolutely vital with an upcoming birth. If your resources are depleted, and you’re feeling needy and run down, you can absolutely expect a snowball effect. We simply cannot give what we do not have.
