Examples Of Feeling Like You’re Failing As A Mom
Prior to doing the work inside the Membership, this mom, let’s call her Sydney, defined whether she was “good enough” based on: her kids’ happiness, whether she was perfect throughout the day, and how well she kept her home.
This led to constantly feeling like she was failing.
For example, if Sydney’s son was unhappy about not getting to play video games, she took it personally, thinking that if she was a better mom, her son wouldn’t be so upset about it.
Another example is if she forgot to do anything for her kids, like use their favorite colored cups and plates at dinner, she would tell herself that she’s such a bad mom.
If she decided to take a rest or nap that meant that she was lazy and not a good enough mom.
If leftovers or take out was for dinner, Sydney would tell herself she was just not cut out for this and failing left and right as a mom.
Can you relate to this?
This is the default way of thinking about modern motherhood—that we’re supposed to be robots, have zero needs, and do everything perfectly. Oh, and make our kids happy, too.
Here’s how Sydney changed her entire life in 30 days.
The Process: Separating Circumstances (Facts) From Thoughts (Mindset)
Sydney learned the difference between thoughts and facts and started applying that to how she viewed herself as a mom.
Here are the core principles:
- Thoughts are just sentences in your head.
- Thoughts are not facts.
- Facts are the circumstances or the “math” of the situation.
- Thoughts are optional.
- Thoughts create how you feel.
- Your primitive brain has default thoughts that are wired for survival (not happiness).
- You can manage your brain with your prefrontal cortex.
- Feelings aren’t a part of your identity.
- You can create better feeling thoughts that serve you.
Examples of Facts:
- Sydney has three kids.
- Sydney is married.
- Sydney lives in the United States.
- Sydney is 42 years old.
The facts of a situation is the “math.” There are no subjective words, no opinion, no summaries. Just math.
Examples of Thoughts:
- “I’m an overwhelmed mom.”
- “When I forget something that makes me a bad mom.”
- “I shouldn’t take naps because that means I’m lazy.”
- “I’m constantly failing as a mom.”
Thoughts tell a story. Thoughts make things colorful. Thoughts add subjectivity. Thoughts can be true or not true, but a more important question is, “is this way of thinking helpful?”
How To Think On Purpose
Sydney realized all the thoughts she had about herself were just that—THOUGHTS.
Optional thoughts that weren’t facts.
This meant she could let them go and change them to think differently in a way that served her.
Here’s what Sydney decided to think about herself, on purpose:
- My value as a mom isn’t determined by my kids’ happiness.
- Sometimes I forget things and that’s okay.
- I’m a human being who needs rest and I don’t need to “earn” my rest.
- When I feel overwhelmed, it’s just a feeling; it’s not who I am.
- I’m a really great mom.
Finally Feel Like A Good Enough Mom
The simple practice of separating out thoughts from facts, then creating intentional thoughts is LIFE CHANGING.
In just 30 days Sydney stopped feeling like a mom who was constantly overwhelmed, not good enough for her family, and doing a bad job to one who was pretty amazing.
A Final Note
This is the simple yet transformational work of managing your brain. When you change the way you think, your life changes. And all it takes is you!
